Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Way It Is

I started this blog for the purpose of participating in the 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women book blogging group and though I have come to enjoy the fuller blogs of others from that group haven't posted much of my own outside of it and less than fully within that group of late. The following is today's post from my 'other' blogging place:

I want to be optimistic and hopeful and relish happiness but the last three weeks or so haven’t been as conducive as I would hope for. News continues to be discouraging on most fronts if not enraging so I’m mostly attempting to avoid it. A slip the other day had me wanting to physically assault and tongue lash Rush Limbaugh, and not for the first time. Gosh, if I WANTED to be exposed to THAT I’d listen to his show. How DARE general news sources run his sick, sick perspective? UGH! Newspapers all over the country are hanging by a thread so I hold my breath each time a ‘memo’ comes from higher up at work. The economic downslide has hit close to home with news that my older daughter’s company laid off nearly 50% of its work force – her job unfortunately being one cut last week. YIKES!

A week ago on my last mid-week day off, I attempted to reach both the state franchise tax board and DMV to get solid direction to resolve a couple vehicle ‘issues’ but automated phone systems had me going in circles - “If you don’t find what you need at this number, dial blah-blah-blah for other options.” At which number lack of an applicable answer instructed me to dial the number which I had originally dialed. Grrrrrrrrrr! I was seething with frustration and anger which of course left me in NO mood to even attempt contacting the IRS with issues that originate from when I was still with my ex and brought up feelings of resentment there. AARGH!

The week before last I had a literal pain in the rear from a toxic infection in a cyst that had me unable to sit and blocked intestines from allowing me to empty my bladder or bowel for days and therefore afraid to eat or drink and subsequently cranky from hunger and dehydrated. Talk about miserable! Dearest Darlin’ showed up intending to celebrate a week delayed Valentine’s Day at the height of that misery & wanted to take me to the hospital. I refused to consider that option until home remedies had been exhausted and failed. Then poor darlin’ ended up ‘patching’ the ugly wound when the cyst exploded like an over inflated balloon. Youngest daughter said that’s ‘true love’ when your sweetheart tends to wound drainage and bandaging your backside. SIGH – I don’t think it’s possible any lingerie made will ever overcome the memory of THAT vision in Darlin’s eyes! (BLESS HIS HEART!)

Been trying to keep up with my 12 Secrets of Creative Women group but falling behind the last two weeks in contributing. (Last week’s chapter was following guides and this is selecting empowering partnerships)

After finishing my book club’s last selection, ‘The Glass Castle’ a memoir by Jeannette Walls, I did read a book that had me captivated in a rather morbid way, Pullitzer Prize winning ‘The Road’ by Cormac McCarthy – a moment by moment account of a father and son’s survival journey on the ravaged road through America post apocalypse. I found myself questioning throughout the entire book despite preparation for it with shelter and other necessities if/why anyone would even want to survive nuclear devastation. And of course, I ended up thinking about who possesses nuclear weapons and how fragile the world is with their existence and re-visited my thoughts and feelings when I was actively against the proliferation of nuclear power and felt guilty abandoning that activism, consumed by day to day work and child-rearing and all that accompanies it. About the only effective thing I still consistently DO is stay conservative as to energy consumption. Darlin’ and I figured out last year my total household energy use is something less than $2,000/yr excluding gasoline for the car and even with that and the vastly fluctuating prices the past year or so for gas I probably only spent about an additional $1,000. And I could probably tighten up some on electricity, propane and gas with a little more concentrated effort. Are you conscious of your fuel/energy consumption? Conservative or not? Do you put on a sweater or sweatshirt or turn up the thermostat when you feel a chill in the air? I LOVE my cozy, bulky, ugly sweaters!

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