I've not been openly keeping up with The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women group therefore I suspect appearing to be a drop out, but in fact the opposite is true. Overall the book and tactics, strategies and revelations have been deeper and more intensely pertinent than I ever expected or anticipated. It's peculiar that something so benign as reading a book chosen by someone else and of completely unanticipated relevance can at the right time have such impact.
I skipped writing in response to the chapter prompts by Jamie in the middle, thinking with each skip that the next chapter would be something I could comment on with some degree of optimism but so far my optimism has instead of rising been chinked away by ever growing masses.
Chapter 7 on Consulting Guides had me recognizing how isolated I've become from places and things and people who inspire my creativity.
Then Chapter 8, Selecting Empowering Partnerships & Alliances reminded me of the huge loss and sent me into refreshed grief over the sudden death late this past October of my dearest friend, biggest encourager & former partner in art/craft shows.
Chapter 9, Transcending Rejections and Roadblocks, only reminded me I had nothing to transcend if I wasn't putting anything out for potential rejection and my biggest roadblock is physically feeling disabled by the progression this past year of RA and accompanying fatigue and escalating frustration and hopelessness as I found myself increasingly challenged with even the most mundane and simple tasks such as getting dressed, personal grooming and simple housekeeping.
Then came Chapter 10, Living in Abundance with Positive Priorities. PSHAW! Would you believe the week of that chapter I was notified I was being layed off from my job? CRAP! So, now I'm home full-time, even more isolated, fearful of spending an unnecessary $ and facing everyday the accumulated deterioration of my home environment as so much has gone untended the past year I've been doing little else beyond coping with chronic pain & accepting being able to do less and less of what I expect of myself on a daily basis.
Chapter 11, Subtracting Serenity Stealers - HA! Geeze! Where to start? Clutter and disorganization abound from a full year of mere glossing over the small stuff I felt capable of. The economic future is overwhelming - both personally and in community as well as beyond. (businesses in my community are shutting down at an alarming rate) What can I effectively accomplish? I keep thinking of the AA adopted Serenity Prayer - God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Chapter 12, Planning to Achieve Your Goals - Again, HA! Ever since I came to live in this community it has been a desire of mine to participate as an exhibitor in the Sierra Art Trail tour of artist's home studios. Nearly every year there are a minimum of 100 exhibiting artists and twice in the past few years a couple I know well have exhibited as photographers. Each time they have indicated that should I apply and be accepted I could share their location in their beautiful garden on their horse farm not far from my home. The deadline to apply is 15 days away and I have nothing adequate prepared but do have 15 days. Well, almost - this weekend Dearest Darlin' is coming home and the agenda for his visit is stock up shopping and yard work and such, so effectively I have 12 days but do I have the stamina and dare I take the risk physically and financially? The worst that can happen is I fail to get in or having gotten in fail to produce or having produced, fail to sell anything. Do I dare? Am I crazy to think I can take these next few months without having to clock in somewhere and pursue a personal dream?